~ two

Actor - "More fucking reshoots !"

Co-star - "I love doing reshoots.  I feel like I get it better every time."

Actor - "Oh my God."

Director - "Well it turns out the writer ended up in the tub for a reason."

Co-star - "Was he dirty ?"

... 

She contains the blurting laughter ... she turns wide eyed to the actor and stares ...

Actor - Bursts out laughing, "Okay that was good."

Director - "Suffice to say, he stole from the wrong person."

Co-star - "O my God did he steal from Chule ?"

The director and actor twitch ~

Director - "We do not say that name."

Actor - "Seriously it's like ... inviting him in."

Co-star - Looks at them like their insane, "Wow.  Fucker's got you two wound up."

Director - "Dead in a fucking bath tub.  Okay ?  So we're doing some fucking reshoots !  Okay !?"

Actor - "No it's cool I love reshoots.  I feel like I get it better each time."

Co-star - "Mm-hm !"

   ~ "And ... Action !"

They sit at the diner on set, Gabrielle pours two cups.

Actor - "Leave the pot."

Gabrielle - "You leave the pot."  Walks away.

Actor - "Jesus Christ."

Co-star - "I know ... if that poor girl only knew how close the world is to dying tonight."

Actor - A laugh, "Maybe we should let it.  Look.  I know this is a shit mission for a trainee, it was supposed to be a simple op.  Exemplary.  Now I dragged you into all this ... from my past.  Those ninjas were from me an you had to save my ass again.  I'm so sorry.  I never ... "

Co-star - Hand over his, "It's okay ... hey.  It doesn't matter how it started.  We're in this together now.  And I'm glad."  Smiles, "Great training for something real."

Actor - Smiles back, hand over hers.  "But you know.  We can't let the sexual tension distract us until the end.  Either one of us, both of us could ... "

Co-star - "There's no sexual tension."

...

Actor - "What ?"

Co-star - "No they changed that part."  Pulls her script from under the table, "And gonna have to kick your ass again.  I'm sorry, I know you hate that part.  On page six."

Actor - Pulls his script and pages through pissed, "I do hate that part.  I mean honestly, you'd need superpowers for that.  No offense."

Co-star - "I do have superpowers now.  Page sixteen man did you even read this thing !?"

Actor - "I read the one they gave me Monday !"

Co-star - "Oh no.  This is the one from Wednesday.  They're so prolific I just love it."

Actor - He throws the script down, "Fuck me ... "
________

Co-star - Laying in bed next to him, "Your missing script turned up in the mail of the National Inquirer."

The actor's head slumps back in the pillow.

Co-star - "Hey ... cheer up butter cup !"  She leans to his ears and whispers, "You're at least three inches bigger than Hansel Crown."

...

He looks at the mirror on the ceiling as she rolls over to sleep.  Big smile, "Heh."  Spoons.

    ~ As they fly through the air in their capes, he holds a puppy under his arm.

"We're cops.  In the mean streets of LA.  By day that is but at night, we're superheroes."

She looks at him and winks.

Director - "Alright cut !  That was perfect !"

Co-star - "Practice makes !"

Director - As they get out of their flight harnesses, "So.  You're gonna be mad."  The co-star stands next to the director looking at the actor with sympathy, she already knows.

Actor - "New script ?"

Director - "Oh no !  This one's great."

The actor stares, the co-star looks around ...

Director - "New villain.  Last one got caught on security cameras breaking into the department store and assaulting the mannequins."

~ news flashes and papers ~

Director - Apparently 'Andy fucking Warhol is reading the script you lost over the footage, which they lost."

Actor - "Never got !"

Director - "For an 'art piece'."

     ~ Andy Warhol reads sitting in a chair at the fucked up club between a baited breath crowd and a projection of some fucking mannequins.  " the mean ... mean ... streets ... ... ... of Los Angeles ... " (hard 'g', his version of saying it in Spanish).

Actor - "Jesus Christ I'm invited to that.  We haven't even done those scenes yet what do I care."

Co-star - "Well ... "

     ~ She's in bed with a guy who looks very much like a Hansel Crown.

Co-star - "Oh.  No.  He's like three inches bigger than you.  Welcome aboard."

     ~ On set.

Actor - "You're the producer's daughter !?"

Producer - Walking on, "Heyyy ... "  He kisses her cheek, "How's my little honey bumpkins today.  These bad men are treating you well I hope ... "  Looks them over.

Co-star - "Hi Da-deeeee ... "  Big hugs.  "They're the cat's meow."

Producer - "Okay okay okay.  Alright listen fellas.  I know all these changes are the worst.  But we've been telemarketing, calling people in their homes about what they want to see."

Actor - "When ?"

Producer - "Well ... through the week and last !"

Actor - "No I mean what time of day."

Producer - "Well ... 'telemarketer hours' I suppose ... what are you saying son."

Actor - Chokes that one back, "So we're making a movie for housewives."

Co-star - "Actually lots of women work."

Actor - "Or their layabout husbands."

Producer - Looks at the director ... "Heyyy ... what do you think about this ... could this data beee ... "

Co-star - "I'm working right now."

Director - "Nawww ... it'll be fine !  Spin.  We got spin, babies ... we get on the papers.  They tell everyone it's good.  They may even believe it after they paid who fucking cares."

Actor - "So we've completely given up on making a good movie."

Director - "Well ... "

The producer looks around uncomfortably, then at the board party in an explosion of cocaine "Whoo !".

Co-star - Back on set, "We're liberated now."

...

Co-star - "It's cool."
________

Hansel - With an eye patch on as the white dust settles as smoke, "It is I.  Your evil nemesis."  He laughs maniacally, head raised high. 

His masked minions file in countless behind.

Actor - In chains and holding a puppy over a lava pit.  "We'll never talk to you ... Zhivago" (the dog barks).

Hansel - "Oh you'll talk alright.  You'll talk.  You'll scream.  You'll do a funny little dance when my minions shoot at your feet again ... so just save us some bullets, 'dancing queen'.  Tell us where she is."

The minions all cock their guns while the chain begins lowering for the pit.

Co-star - Explodes through the roof, hovering with clenched fists.  "Right here, Doctor Zhivago.  And your literary days are numbered."

Actor - Looking wide eyed as the light hits his face, to the puppy, "Look Dog Soldier ... she's evolving !  It's finally happening !" 

The dog barks with the same wide eyes, pants.

The co-star charges up as the minions shield their eyes from the blinding light as the room starts to quake.

Zhivago - Watching in rage while backing for the door, "No ... noooo ... NOOOO !"  He turns and runs

The room begins falling apart, the actor and Dog Soldier still watch in awe before all is silent but for the last of rubble.

Co-star - Camera to her glowy face, "I know Kung-Fu."

Music continues.  She holds out her fist while the the crew directs her flight harness, swinging her around and spinning her, trying to hit all the minions responding dramatically while she just holds out her fist looking serious.

She lands and kicks the bullets aside with her magic shin guards (they make a magic sparkle sound), starts doing back flips and cartwheels through on the various spin harnesses while the crew tries to aim (other things are struck).

At 2:46 they pull the engine cord for the cartwheel harness to spin her and works the exaggerated minions like a buzz-saw through the last, the crane control crew looking a bit maniacal at this point.

Pretty sure this is how video games were invented.  She pulls the lever to stop their lavaish descent just in time ...

Bark !

Action shot of her pulling them up by the chain in slow motion, the sweat on her brow, she breaks the chain when they've made it.  The dog leaps into her arms with a bark and licks her face.

Co-star - "Oh Dog Soldier ... "  She holds out a hand to help the actor up in the side still looking at the dog, "You always know what to say."

Dog Soldier - "I say it's time to leave this ... den of evil and see to my ... Kibbles and Bits."  Bark !

They all laugh ...

Director - "Oh ... my ... God.  And cut.  Print.  That was ... I ... smell ... an Oscar !"

Co-star - "Oh my God do your really think so !?"

Producer - "Anything for my perfect princess."  A look to the director, "Anything."

While the producer walks and the director looks after, she whispers in the actor's ear from behind, "Everything."  Then a sigh.

His eyes go wide, he turns and looks but she's gone.