~ three

Newshuman - "So you you anticipate a blockbuster."

Actor - "Absolutely."

Newshuman - "So.  Let's talk about your new co-star ... you've never shared the screen before.  What plans."

Actor - "Oh.  A true professional."

Newshuman - "So ... what do you think ?  Is there chemistry ?"

Actor - Smiles ... "Well.  She is.  A true professional.  How 'bout you ?"

Newshuman - Taken from behind in the motel, "Now that your film's old villain's turned up a mannequin fucker ... "  She winces ... an inhale, "What do you think of his replacement ?"  A shudder, "They say you've got beef."

Actor - "Off record ?  Or on."

Newshuman - Breathes ... "Never say anything to me you don't want the world to know."

Actor - Slowly reaches a hand around her throat, into her ear.  "He's a little bitch."

She smiles a half kiss behind.

Voiced over ~ "See what I mean ?  Every single one of them."

~ headline over a photo of the Actor and Co trying to block the camera with their hands ~

They're Totally Fucking

~ smaller print to the side ~

Best Movie Ever

The villain is a method actor getting ready, bodyguards on hand.  He does his make-up personally, ending with a last look of self appreciation, a couple of dumb faces made, then the eye patch.

Struts the studio halls 'in character' wearing his supervillain suit, buttons to the top.  Lavishing everything said with dramatic hand gestures.

He slaps a tray of donuts out of the intern's hands into slow mo at the sound effect while she tries catching them amid his in character maniacal laughter. 

Treating all as he would his screen minions.

Though strangely enough not his actual minions, the bodyguards always around before they back away, fading into the shadows before the take.

Actor - As the set prepares, he watches them disappear from sight with the co-star.  "I was thinking about getting some of those."

Co-star - In agreement, "Hm.  You know I hear they're actual ninjas ?"

He looks at her ...

Director - "And ... action."

She heads to, the intern puts the dog in the actor's arms.  He and the dog look at each other in full understanding of the stupid when the intern puts on the space helmet.

A look to the interns red eyes, she looks away fast.  A suspicious look, then to Hansel on set making faces in preparation, he draws his space pistol. 

She puts on the puppy's space helmet.

Co-star - In electric chains on the wall in a shredded spacesuit, "You'll never get away with this Doctor Zhivago."  Screams from the voltage.

Actor - Suit shredded, "People like us ... will always come."  Screams from the voltage.

Co-star - "They'll just keep coming.  And coming.  And coming."

Actor - "Nothing can stop it.  Nothing can hold it back.  We're coming."

They scream from the voltage until Zhivago's hit upside the head with a dog.

Director - "And ... cut."
__________

Hansel - In his dressing room on the phone.  "No it's fucking brilliant.  Don't you understand ?  You don't understand.  We.  Will be.  The first.  Don't you get it ?  The first.  It's fucking brilliant mom and you need to learn to love it.  Goodbye."

He hangs up and puts on headphones (Dancing Queen faint) continues removing the make-up in the mirror.
___

Outside the bodyguards guard.

Co-star - Walking by, "Oh my God there you are, he is furious."

Guard one - "Who ?"

Co-star - "Your boss, man !  He's like mad because people are touching him again at the food carts and you're in here standing by a door."

Guard two - Indulgently, "Look lady.  We know who you are.  We respect.  But we saw him go in there.  There's just one door."

Co-star - "What I'm making this up ?  How about one of you goes goes babysit him before the tantrum bleeds over and the other 'guard the door'."

They look at each other, one knocks on the door ...

Two - "He's got his fucking music."

     ~ Hansel - Singing to himself, "My boyfriend's back and there's gonna be some trouble."

Co-star - "It's a fucking tantrum and it's gonna fuck up a between you and me, already fucked production.  Okay ?  So one of you just go fucking check it out !"

One - Shakes his head ... "Just go fucking check it out."

Co-star - "Seriously."  They watch him walk away then round the corner, she stabs him with a needle.  "Seriously."

      ~ Hansel - "Hey now ... hey now ... my boyfriend's back."

His head smacks into the table, pulled back up by the hair.

Actor - "That intern is a personal friend of mine."

     ~ Intern - In tears while he cooks her breakfast, "He's just so ... mean to me ... "

Co-star - "And I'm just here because chicks over dicks."  She looks at the Actor, "I 'acted'."  Smiles wide.

Actor - "Yes you did ... "  He hits Hansel hard in the eye (the one for the patch to cover it), throws his face down.

Hansel - "Jesus.  Man."  He pulls a handkerchief for the blood with a glance at the mirror.  "Look.  You've got a lot of 'friends', right ?  I mean ... "

Actor - "How about you try always being nice."

Co-star - And if you ever say a word of this to anyone, we will fucking kill you."

Actor - "No joke."

...

Hansel - "Well.  As it happens I know people too.  They sent me with a message for you."  A ragged smile, "They want to meet with you.  Soon."

Actor - "Who."

Hansel - "The financiers ... "  He throws the kerchief down.

Actor - "Jesus fuck."

Hansel - "Mm ... hm."

Co-star - "Can I come ?"

The jet takes off ... and it's off to Merry Olde. 

I'll just skip to the everything and just say Hansel Crown is Capricorn's father but it's got nothing to do with anything here.  His rise would have been in the nineties after his career bombs and Cap isn't born yet, he was probably born in '99 or 00.

They sleep in the plane amid the tiny bottles ...

Then stare hungover at the man turning slow on a roasting spit, already cooked as the carver's about to cut, standing atop a large round table surrounding the meal. 

The blank eyes turn over and over, pointed at the doorway, the carver sees them standing there.

Carver - Cheerfully knife paused over the flesh, "Well hello !  We're all fans here ... don't mind the course, he was our enemy not yours, you will not be expected."

Co-star - "Mm.  It does smell like good enemy though."

Carver - "Disturbing the first time is it not ?  You are more than welcome."

Co-star - "Oh.  No.  I mean did he do anything to me ?"

Carver - A laugh, "No ... not directly.  He stole something from a friend of ours."  He starts to carve.

Actor - Watching the dead eyes turn over, "So was he like ... a really bad man ?"

Carver - "Oh yes !  Even to us ... again welcome and neither expected."

Hansel - Entering behind and for his chair, "Well I'll have a leg off that chicken."  Sitting, "And how are we all tonight ?"  To the actor and co-star, "Please sit.  In fact I think you were right, and nothing said of it again. 

"Now let me tell you about, this man."

The carver smiles to him and he smiles back as he continues.  "As much as we gave him, he always had to take more.  The kind of man who steal the motel's robe after you give him three women and a pile of jewels."

He watches his piece of the thigh meat being sliced, follow it at the fork drops it on the plate, then as the carver places it before him.

They all watch with excitement as he cuts it and takes a bite, then looks at the co-star, "Mm.  Indeed.  That's good enemy.  Now.  This man took so much from so many that in time it was inevitable that he'd take from his own.  Our own." 

Watching him turn, "He'd found a good source, and then he just couldn't stop.  We told him.  We warned him."  He looks at the actor, "He though he was special." 

A smile back to his plate as he cuts, more being passed around.  "And the reason why I have first choice of cutlet is because of what he did to one of my, 'personal friends'."

He feeds a bite to the woman next to him while they both watch the actor and co-star, "Which everyone knew.  So.  The reason you're here." 

He smiles to the carver.

Carver - Cutting away, "Yes.  Well of course my dear you have nothing to fear from us, your father's a friend."  Pausing in his cut, to the actor, "You ... "  He moves the knife side to side gesturing 'mehhhh ... ', well we are all very big fans. 

"So we have an investment in this film.

"And you are here because we are very sorry.  There has been interference with scripts, sabotage if you will, and this has made your production difficult."  As he returns to carve, "Which threatens the return of our investment."

"So we just wanted you to know, that this."  He drops a slab on a plate.  "Is the bounty of thieves." 

He smiles turning away to place the plate before a wide eyed courtesan, back turned.  "You are not expected to stay."

The rest of the room begins their private chatters with the sound of silver on porcelain while they stand there completely ignored.

The jet takes off ...