the actor voiced over ~ "I'm an actor. Playing a role."
His character drives through the action montages for the new credits, when the costar flies down window level and waves, the dog sticks his head out the window for his credit, she takes off ahead fast through the traffic out of sight.
An explosion ahead ... as the fire takes the screen ~
~ Killer's Take and the Bounty of Thieves ~
The flames fade to them stand before the logo, she holds out a peace sign and the dog barks in his arm.
Director - "Cut ! My God this is garbage. I love it."
________
The actor drives, the costar in the passenger seat, similar road and surroundings but at night to briefly in some way to seem that it would be a cut from the better opening credits from a show one may actually watch.
Then deep into his eyes as he drives intently ... they suddenly burst out laughing.
Co-star - "I know ! It's the worst pilot ever, it'll never get picked up."
Actor - "Sorry you got shanked out of your opportunity. Though."
Co-star - "Oh. Pf. Not like anyone's gonna see it. Daddy will buy me another one." She looks out the window.
Actor - "How about I buy you another one."
...
Co-star - She looks ... "Like what ?"
Actor - Smiles driving, "Well. It's an underground gig, but it's got the names and the backing. The kind of thing you're supposed to start with, the kind of thing this was supposed to be."
Co-star - "The kind of thing that's good for you to get out of ... "
Actor - "This is my second fucking superhero movie with a dog." Looks at her, smiles. "You're new though." Back to driving.
Actor - Smiles driving, "Well. It's an underground gig, but it's got the names and the backing. The kind of thing you're supposed to start with, the kind of thing this was supposed to be."
Co-star - "The kind of thing that's good for you to get out of ... "
Actor - "This is my second fucking superhero movie with a dog." Looks at her, smiles. "You're new though." Back to driving.
...
Co-star - "Are you falling in love with me ?"
Actor - "I ... I've loved every woman I've ... "
Co-star - Grabs his face and turns it to hers, "Are you falling in love with me ?"
Actor - "This is making it really hard to drive."
Co-star - "So pull the fuck over and answer the question."
He does.
Co-star - Pulls his face close to hers, "Are you falling in love with me ?"
His eyes look uncomfortably away.
Co-star - "Look me in the eyes."
He struggles internally to do so.
Co-star - Pushes his face away, "Don't offer me that unless you are. I don't need you."
...
Actor - He starts the car ... it sits. "I am."
...
Co-star - "What was that ?"
Actor - Turns her face to his eyes to eyes, "I'm falling in love with you." He kisses her. "And I want to make sure ... well. I wanna make something good with you."
Co-star - "I ... knew it ! I think you're super cool too." Crosses her arms and looks out the window happy.
Actor - Burst out laughing, "You're afraid of the word !"
Co-star - Looks at him very seriously, "I'm not afraid of the word, 'daddy'."
He stares ... she stares back. The car starts back up and drives on.
Actor - "I ... I've loved every woman I've ... "
Co-star - Grabs his face and turns it to hers, "Are you falling in love with me ?"
Actor - "This is making it really hard to drive."
Co-star - "So pull the fuck over and answer the question."
He does.
Co-star - Pulls his face close to hers, "Are you falling in love with me ?"
His eyes look uncomfortably away.
Co-star - "Look me in the eyes."
He struggles internally to do so.
Co-star - Pushes his face away, "Don't offer me that unless you are. I don't need you."
...
Actor - He starts the car ... it sits. "I am."
...
Co-star - "What was that ?"
Actor - Turns her face to his eyes to eyes, "I'm falling in love with you." He kisses her. "And I want to make sure ... well. I wanna make something good with you."
Co-star - "I ... knew it ! I think you're super cool too." Crosses her arms and looks out the window happy.
Actor - Burst out laughing, "You're afraid of the word !"
Co-star - Looks at him very seriously, "I'm not afraid of the word, 'daddy'."
He stares ... she stares back. The car starts back up and drives on.
Mingles into the traffic through the words, then the main music ~
Money slams on the motel counter, all the female characters one by one look up at the sky in awe, the strippers and various women around the world ... gossip eyed phone calls are made with cords twirling around fingers while the cannibals look aghast in the round.
While their heart shaped fuzzy bed spins in an era only such things could have been as they are right here. The neon, the mirrors, no matter how passionate these people are or how beautiful it may be to them, every tome of film as though we're taking this seriously ...
Suffice to say we cannot.
Airplanes are flying to the left, flying to the right and for some reason there's fireworks while all around the world, women smile as if something right had happened in the world ...
Airplanes are flying to the left, flying to the right and for some reason there's fireworks while all around the world, women smile as if something right had happened in the world ...
But wait ... they look suspicious ...
She comes. And they all smile nodding.
________
Co-star - Twirling on a wheel while the flame thrower machine slowly approaches, wearing a suit with dumb clocks on it, "You cannot keep interfering with the fabric of time. The consequences will be catastrophic to everything even you have done."
Zhivago - "Oh but I already have. How do ya think I got here. And the funny thing is ... only I know what's different now. While you ... never will !"
Actor - Spinning on the wheel next to her, "That may be very deep, Doctor Zhivago, but we know who we are."
Co-star - "And we know you."
Zhivago - The flamethrower flames burn stronger in threat, "You know nothing of me. I wanted to dance ballet ! But no ... my feet are too flat."
~ He spins crashing through the ballerinas.
Zhivago - "I wanted to paint ! But they could not understand my work."
~ It's almost a challenge to consider what immediately strikes as a truly crappy work of art which the artist is absolutely convinced is good. But we've all seen it so put that in your brain.
Zhivago - "I was in a band that nobody ever heard, but I ... Invented ... DISCO ... so TELL me ... where is your ... dog ?"
...
They all burst out laughing ... the flames die down, the spinner guys pop out from behind the wheel.
Costar - Laughing uncontrollably, "I can't ... I really just can't. Please stop the spinning."
Actor - "Can we just ... cut that to us dying, evil wins ... ironic ending ... ?"
Director - Stares a sec like that almost sounds cool ... snaps out of it. "Okay. Yeah. I know. You three, office."
They enter and sit, Hansel stands looking out the window.
Director - Sits at his desk and sees the actor and co-star holding hands ... in shock he looks at the actor. "What the fuck is this ?"
Actor - "What."
Her hand tightens.
Director - Stares at him a sec, the actor looks away. "Well fuck me like a binge in Norway ... okay. Here's the deal.
"This project will never see the light of day. It will not be shown in a theater, it will not be aired as a pilot. Nobody's gonna pick it up. So we're gonna have to shelf it for the insurance, and the tax deduction."
...
Actor - "Uhhh ... "
Director - "But ! We need to make it look like we tried. Because if they look at at what we have and do not see a viable product, or at least the attempt at one ... now this ... "
He stares at their hands ...
Director - "This is good. Makes it look like maybe you were distracted."
Actor - "That's ... "
Costar - "Not a bad idea." She looks at him. "I mean really. It'll be good for the other thing."
Director - "What other thing ?"
Actor - "Nothing. So we need beginning, middle, end."
~ Zhivago gets hit upside the head with a dog at the flamethrower controls.
Director - "That's what we need. But. There will be no residuals."
Hansel - "And ... "
Director - "And all the coke profits go to the financiers."
Actor and Co-star - "What !?"
Hansel - "Or ... ?"
Director - ... slowly bursts into tears, "Or they're gonna fucking eat me ! He pulls out a handkerchief, "Oh my God it's just so much ! You know ? These scripts, the studio ... they want insane things ! All the time something new ! It was gonna be a good fucking show !
"Big screen, then network with the goodies cut, boom. Syndication, here we come. And everybody gets paid ... now ... we can't even afford to promote it !
"So that's it !" He calms down and lights a cigar ... "That's it."
Co-star - "Well. What if it did sell ?"
She comes. And they all smile nodding.
________
Co-star - Twirling on a wheel while the flame thrower machine slowly approaches, wearing a suit with dumb clocks on it, "You cannot keep interfering with the fabric of time. The consequences will be catastrophic to everything even you have done."
Zhivago - "Oh but I already have. How do ya think I got here. And the funny thing is ... only I know what's different now. While you ... never will !"
Actor - Spinning on the wheel next to her, "That may be very deep, Doctor Zhivago, but we know who we are."
Co-star - "And we know you."
Zhivago - The flamethrower flames burn stronger in threat, "You know nothing of me. I wanted to dance ballet ! But no ... my feet are too flat."
~ He spins crashing through the ballerinas.
Zhivago - "I wanted to paint ! But they could not understand my work."
~ It's almost a challenge to consider what immediately strikes as a truly crappy work of art which the artist is absolutely convinced is good. But we've all seen it so put that in your brain.
Zhivago - "I was in a band that nobody ever heard, but I ... Invented ... DISCO ... so TELL me ... where is your ... dog ?"
...
They all burst out laughing ... the flames die down, the spinner guys pop out from behind the wheel.
Costar - Laughing uncontrollably, "I can't ... I really just can't. Please stop the spinning."
Actor - "Can we just ... cut that to us dying, evil wins ... ironic ending ... ?"
Director - Stares a sec like that almost sounds cool ... snaps out of it. "Okay. Yeah. I know. You three, office."
They enter and sit, Hansel stands looking out the window.
Director - Sits at his desk and sees the actor and co-star holding hands ... in shock he looks at the actor. "What the fuck is this ?"
Actor - "What."
Her hand tightens.
Director - Stares at him a sec, the actor looks away. "Well fuck me like a binge in Norway ... okay. Here's the deal.
"This project will never see the light of day. It will not be shown in a theater, it will not be aired as a pilot. Nobody's gonna pick it up. So we're gonna have to shelf it for the insurance, and the tax deduction."
...
Actor - "Uhhh ... "
Director - "But ! We need to make it look like we tried. Because if they look at at what we have and do not see a viable product, or at least the attempt at one ... now this ... "
He stares at their hands ...
Director - "This is good. Makes it look like maybe you were distracted."
Actor - "That's ... "
Costar - "Not a bad idea." She looks at him. "I mean really. It'll be good for the other thing."
Director - "What other thing ?"
Actor - "Nothing. So we need beginning, middle, end."
~ Zhivago gets hit upside the head with a dog at the flamethrower controls.
Director - "That's what we need. But. There will be no residuals."
Hansel - "And ... "
Director - "And all the coke profits go to the financiers."
Actor and Co-star - "What !?"
Hansel - "Or ... ?"
Director - ... slowly bursts into tears, "Or they're gonna fucking eat me ! He pulls out a handkerchief, "Oh my God it's just so much ! You know ? These scripts, the studio ... they want insane things ! All the time something new ! It was gonna be a good fucking show !
"Big screen, then network with the goodies cut, boom. Syndication, here we come. And everybody gets paid ... now ... we can't even afford to promote it !
"So that's it !" He calms down and lights a cigar ... "That's it."
Co-star - "Well. What if it did sell ?"
...
Hansel looks interested, waiting for something to be said.
Director - Laughs a bit cheered up, "You mean like ... 'make it good' ?" He laughs smoking and puts it out, opens the drawer and pulls a blunt.
"I like how you think kid, poppa said you've got the grit. I'm assuming you mean he's got the money to promote it too."
____
Producer - "Hooo ... well pumpkin ... it means there's no pony this year ... "
Co-star - "What !?"
____
Co-star - "We all make our sacrifices."
Actor - "I can ... chip in on that."
She looks at him.
Director - Glances at their hands and between the two still staring at each other nearly unreadable. He leans forward passing the blunt across the desk, "Alright superstars ... what's the plan ?"
Hansel looks interested, waiting for something to be said.
Director - Laughs a bit cheered up, "You mean like ... 'make it good' ?" He laughs smoking and puts it out, opens the drawer and pulls a blunt.
"I like how you think kid, poppa said you've got the grit. I'm assuming you mean he's got the money to promote it too."
____
Producer - "Hooo ... well pumpkin ... it means there's no pony this year ... "
Co-star - "What !?"
____
Co-star - "We all make our sacrifices."
Actor - "I can ... chip in on that."
She looks at him.
Director - Glances at their hands and between the two still staring at each other nearly unreadable. He leans forward passing the blunt across the desk, "Alright superstars ... what's the plan ?"